Tired

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My ex was working the late shift so when I got off work I decided to stop at the grocery and get something for dinner. I wandered around the store trying to decide what to buy picking something up and putting it back down. I knew what I wanted, but would he want it. If it’s not hot dogs, pizza, or fast food he’s not interested in it. He’ll come home look at what is cooked then suggest we eat out. When I say no thanks I already made dinner, the pouting will start and snide remarks followed with “I was just kidding”.

I buy the broccoli, cube steaks and rice hoping he’d be too tired to fight. Next, I wanted to buy a glass of wine, but do I want to open that door? If I drink it seems to give him permission to get wasted. Every night he goes in his room and has a few shots of vodka. If I drink he will add several glasses of vodka and coke along with the shots.  When he drinks life gets unpredictable.

I am so tired of having to monitor everything I do to make sure he behaves. I want to go to the store and buy what I want for dinner and not have to worry it will turn into something more. It would be nice to have some wine or whiskey and not worry that the cops will be at my door. I am praying for God to be preparing me a way out of here soon.

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8 thoughts on “Tired

  1. You know what… I got exhausted just reading that. For years I’ve busted my keister to keep everyone happy at meal time — even when it came to making THREE THINGS FOR DINNER! Now here I am 65, the kids are gone (well, one is back) and I’m thinking “What’s wrong with you? Fix it and if they’re hungry they’ll eat it. If they don’t like it, they’re welcome to go get something else.” I didn’t do that early on when the kids were young because I hated the arguments about meals. But the truth is, a little arguing when it first started going on would probably have put it to rest. Unfortunately that’s a lesson we learn when we’re too old for it to be of any use… So you bide your time and hope it will get better or you can leave. I feel for you, hon…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, I’m leaving as soon as I can find something I can afford and all the details of the divorce are settled.
      My kids don’t fuss over dinner with them it has always been eat or starve your choice. Just my ex, if he would just simply get something else I wouldn’t care, but unfortunately, that’s not how it goes. It’s a long drawn out ordeal. We were married 5 days the first time. It was over ketchup that ended in an all night lecture. I finally counted pennies and got the ketchup. It’s ok though when I move out he can slam doors, sulk, pout and disappear all he wants.

      Liked by 2 people

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